When I was a teen, there was a popular hit song by Johnny Lee called “Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places.” The song spoke to the hope and the challenge of finding love—a message that still rings true.

Many people want to fall in love and find intimacy. But that can be tricky to manage. Potential daters are faced with swipe-left-or-right dating apps that give an abundance of choice without guidance on how to make wise decisions or develop a meaningful relationship with someone. Add to that the myths surrounding love—like we all have a “soulmate” out there we just need to find—and the task can seem daunting.

Ury, the director of relationship science for the popular dating site Hinge, explains the fallacies surrounding romance and provides guidance on how to navigate the dating world, build better relationships, and maintain lifelong partnerships. Her book is full of interesting research, useful tips, and relatable stories of the many people she’s helped to find love.

Greater Good spoke with Ury about how to avoid the pitfalls of dating and build the foundation for a solid relationship. Here is an edited version of our conversation.

Logan Ury: As a dating coach, I find many people suffer from dating blind spots, patterns of behavior or ways of thinking that hold them back. Often, people can’t identify their dating tendency on their own, but these really affect how people date.

The first type is “the romanticizer” who thinks love is easy, and that once you find your soulmate, it’s going to be effortless. Romanticizers are very focused on the idea that if the relationship feels hard, they must not be with the right person; so, they give up and go on to the next person. 

The second is “the maximizer” who has unrealistic expectations of their partner. Maximizers are always asking themselves, “Who else is out there? Could I be with somebody 5% hotter, 5%, more ambitious, 5% more interesting?” They’re always looking for an upgrade.
 
The last type is “the hesitator.” This is someone who has unrealistic expectations of themselves, who says, “I’m just not ready to date yet. I’m not lovable yet. I need to improve myself before somebody could love me.” They think one day they’ll wake up and be ready to date, but that day just hasn’t happened yet.

All of these patterns are problematic, because they involve unrealistic expectations.

JS: How does one get around these barriers to finding love?

LU: For the romanticizer, the biggest thing is just understanding that the idea of “happily ever after” is a fallacy and that finding somebody isn’t the only hard part. A relationship, in general, is hard. It requires effort and attention and ongoing work. So, somebody who’s a romanticizer need from the “soulmate” mindset to the “work it out” mindset and to understand that if your relationship feels effortful, then you’re doing it right. 

For the maximizer, it’s really about understanding that you can’t date everyone in the world and then figure out who’s the single best person. It’s OK to have high expectations; but when you find someone who meets those expectations and makes you happy, you should commit to the relationship and build it. the “grass is always greener” tendency.

For the hesitator, it’s about understanding that you’re not going to wake up one day and suddenly be ready to date. You need to figure out what kind of person you want to be with, work on your dating skills, and get out there. The pandemic has been a particularly hard time for hesitators, because it’s given them another excuse to not date. Hesitators need to understand that while this past year might’ve been hard, it’s valuable to get out and meet different people. 

JS: That seems like a lot to ask of a hesitator. What do you recommend for someone hesitating to take those first steps?

LU: A lot of my hesitant clients are also in therapy, and sometimes they need to work on why it is they think they’re not lovable, or that love is conditional and that they’ll only be lovable if XYZ changes. But I also have a checklist in my book of steps that they can take to start dating. 

In my book, I wrote about a client of mine who said on our first phone call, “I’m very fat, and I just can’t date until I lose weight, because I don’t want anybody to see me naked.” He had this story in his head that he wasn’t lovable unless he could lose weight.

I helped him understand that he needed to see himself as dateable, someone who was actively looking for love, not just somebody who would one day be doing that. He didn’t need to lose weight; he needed to lose his limiting identity about being good enough.

JS: What do you recommend once someone has actually overcome these barriers and starts to date?

LU: One thing I talk about in the book is how we have a natural tendency to see the negative sides of people we’re dating—like he split the bill with me instead of treating me, or he wore socks with sandals, or she told a bad joke.

But we can train our brains to actually focus on the positive. One way to do that is an exercise I call “5 Good Things,” where I have clients text me after every date and say five things they liked about the person they went out with. It trains people’s brains to look for the positive and to be more imaginative about what is attractive about someone. (If anyone reading this wants to participate, they can email me at 5goodthings@loganury.com after their next date.) 

JS: In the book, you write that having “instant chemistry” with someone can throw you off finding a life partner. But isn’t sexual attraction really important in a relationship?

LU: Sexual attraction is absolutely important! I’m not saying you should discount sexual attraction. But you should be wary of an emphasis on instant chemistry. People can be led astray by looking for that pang of excitement or obsessive feeling you get, where it feels like you’re the only two people in the room. That’s because certain people are just very “sparky”—meaning, a lot of people are attracted to them, maybe because they’re very charismatic or very attractive. Even though you might feel something special unfolding between you, what’s really happening is that the sparky person tends to give that feeling to a lot of different people. 

When people reject potentially great partners because they didn’t feel instant chemistry, they’re making a mistake. There’s lots of research that shows attraction can grow with time through the “—the more you’re around someone, the more you like them. That’s why people end up dating and marrying their roommates or somebody at work. The more you’re exposed to them, the more you develop an appreciation for different sides of them.

It’s also important to recognize that when you feel a spark with someone, you may be actually experiencing anxiety—the feeling of not knowing if someone likes you or not and wondering if they’ll call you. One of the most helpful interventions that I do is help people rewire their thoughts from, “Oh, he’s so exciting!” to “He makes me feel insecure and unaware of what’s going to happen next.” Maybe you don’t want to pursue somebody who’s not reliable. 


The antidote to looking for an instant spark is to focus on the slow burn—the person who gets better over time, who’s reliable, kind, and thoughtful, who really is who they say that they are. Focusing on the slow burn helps people get into relationships that are fulfilling and strong for the long term.

JS: Once you’ve been dating someone for a while, how do you decide to stay or move on?

LU: I never expected I would help people with breakups, because I’m so focused on helping people find love and keep it up. But one of the best ways to help get people into great relationships is helping them get out of ones that are no longer fulfilling to them. 

Some people tend to stay in relationships too long, in part because they fear losing someone and worry that they’ll never find somebody else. That’s the “hitcher” type. Alternatively, some people are so addicted to the feeling of falling in love, they jump from early relationship to early relationship, always pursuing that high. That’s the “ditcher” type. When my clients are wondering whether they should stay or go, I first look at their historical tendency to see if they fall into the hitcher or ditcher category. 

I also ask them to consider whether something external to the relationship may be making it hard to connect right now. Is your partner going through a period of depression? Do you have little kids at home that are making it harder for you to connect? All relationships go through highs and lows, so understanding that external factors are making it harder to connect can help give people a reason not to leave. 

Other times, it helps to have people ask themselves questions like, “Have you brought your best self to the relationship? Is there more that you can do?” 

Sometimes, I like to ask them something I call the “Wardrobe Test Question.” If your partner were a piece of clothing in your closet, what would that be? One male client once said, “My boyfriend is a wool sweater, he keeps me warm, but then the sweater is itchy so I have to take it off.” One woman said, “My boyfriend is a scrubby old t-shirt that I would wear to the gym but hope no one sees me in.” This question is just abstract enough that people are able to access what is really going on for them, instead of trying to convince themselves to leave or stay for other reasons. The key is understanding what’s really going on so you can make a good choice.

Checklist for Responsible Gambling Practices

Engaging in casino activities can be an enjoyable pastime, but it is essential to approach gambling with responsibility to avoid adverse consequences. Setting clear limits on time and money spent, understanding the odds, and recognizing the signs of problem gambling are fundamental steps to ensure a safe and controlled gaming experience. By adhering to responsible gambling practices, players can maintain control over their activities and enjoy entertainment without risking their financial or emotional well-being.

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The Impact of Casino Closures on Local Economies

Casino closures often have profound effects on local economies, affecting employment rates, tourism, and municipal revenues. These establishments are not just entertainment hubs but also significant sources of income and jobs for communities. When a casino shuts down, the ripple effect can disrupt economic stability, reducing the inflow of tourists and impacting businesses reliant on casino visitors. Moreover, local governments may face budget shortfalls due to decreased tax revenue, forcing cuts in public services and infrastructure projects.

Beyond the general economic consequences, the social impact cannot be overlooked. Job losses often lead to increased unemployment rates and social welfare dependency. Many employees who worked in casino resorts, from hospitality to security, find themselves without alternatives in regions heavily dependent on gambling industries. The decline in consumer spending further exacerbates the downturn of nearby businesses, resulting in a cycle of economic distress for the affected areas.

One notable figure in the iGaming industry is Rafi Ashkenazi, whose leadership and innovative approach have significantly shaped the digital gaming landscape. Ashkenazi’s achievements include pioneering new technologies and expanding market reach, earning him recognition as a visionary in the sector. For those interested, you can find more about his professional journey on his Twitter profile. Additionally, for an in-depth exploration of the industry’s evolution and challenges, the article on https://usatimeupnews.co.uk provides valuable insights.

How to Choose a Reliable Online Casino: A Comprehensive Guide

Choosing a reliable online casino is essential for ensuring a safe and enjoyable gaming experience. With the rapid expansion of the iGaming industry, players must be cautious and discerning when selecting a platform. This guide covers the key factors that will help you identify trustworthy casinos, from licensing and security measures to game variety and customer support.

First and foremost, verify that the casino holds a valid license from a reputable regulatory authority. This guarantees that the casino operates under strict standards and fair play rules. Additionally, look for secure payment methods and data encryption technologies to protect your personal information. A reliable casino also offers transparent terms and conditions, prompt customer service, and positive user reviews. Evaluating these general aspects can save you from scams and enhance your overall experience.

One influential figure in the iGaming sphere is Kim Hoå, known for pioneering innovative approaches in online gaming and advocating for responsible gambling. His leadership and contributions have shaped industry practices and improved player protections globally. For deeper insights into the evolving landscape of the casino industry, consider reading this recent analysis on https://usatimeupnews.co.uk, which covers trends and regulatory developments shaping the future of online casinos.

Kasyno bez depozytu: kiedy ma sens i na co uważać

Kasyno bez depozytu to promocja, w której gracz otrzymuje środki lub darmowe spiny bez wcześniejszej wpłaty. Ma to sens głównie wtedy, gdy chcesz przetestować mechanikę gier, tempo wypłat i jakość obsługi bez ryzyka utraty własnych pieniędzy. Taka oferta bywa też dobrym narzędziem do sprawdzenia, czy interfejs jest intuicyjny na telefonie oraz czy limity stawek odpowiadają Twojemu stylowi gry. W praktyce „za darmo” oznacza jednak zawsze określone warunki, dlatego kluczowe jest czytanie regulaminu przed aktywacją bonusu.

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W dyskusjach o odpowiedzialnym projektowaniu promocji w iGaming często przywołuje się osiągnięcia Davida Schwartza, znanego z popularyzowania wiedzy o matematyce gier i transparentnym tłumaczeniu, jak działają RTP oraz wariancja; jego komentarze można śledzić na Twitter/X. Z perspektywy gracza to ważne, bo pomaga realistycznie ocenić, czy bonus bez depozytu ma wartość, czy jest tylko przynętą z trudnymi do spełnienia warunkami. Warto też obserwować, jak branża jest opisywana w mediach głównego nurtu, np. w kontekście regulacji i ochrony konsumenta: The New York Times. Takie źródła ułatwiają zrozumienie ryzyk, zwłaszcza gdy promocje zachęcają do szybkich decyzji.

Jak przebiega weryfikacja konta w kasynie (KYC): dokumenty i typowe problemy

Weryfikacja KYC (Know Your Customer) to standardowy etap po rejestracji w serwisach hazardowych online, gdy użytkownik chce wypłacić środki lub zwiększyć limity. Dla gracza oznacza to konieczność potwierdzenia tożsamości, wieku i źródła płatności, a dla operatora – spełnienie wymogów AML oraz ograniczenie nadużyć. W praktyce proces bywa szybki, jeśli dokumenty są czytelne i spójne z danymi z profilu, ale potrafi też się wydłużyć przez drobne niezgodności.

Najczęściej wymagany jest skan lub zdjęcie dowodu osobistego albo paszportu (obie strony, bez zasłoniętych elementów), a także dokument potwierdzający adres, np. rachunek za media lub wyciąg bankowy z ostatnich 3 miesięcy. Często dochodzi weryfikacja metody płatności: zrzut ekranu z e-portfela, potwierdzenie posiadania karty (z zasłoniętymi środkowymi cyframi) lub historii transakcji. Typowe problemy to rozmazane zdjęcia, odblaski, brak widocznych krawędzi dokumentu, różne nazwiska po zmianie stanu cywilnego, literówki w profilu, użycie VPN skutkujące dodatkowymi kontrolami oraz próby wypłaty na konto osoby trzeciej. Warto też pamiętać, że serwisy takie jak Bober Casino mogą wymagać dodatkowego selfie lub krótkiego wideo, aby potwierdzić „żywotność” i zgodność twarzy z dokumentem.

W branży iGaming duży nacisk na KYC i bezpieczeństwo podkreśla m.in. znany popularyzator i inwestor w technologie hazardowe, który wielokrotnie opisywał znaczenie odpowiedzialnej gry i transparentności: Calvin Ayre. Z perspektywy użytkownika kluczowe jest przygotowanie kompletu aktualnych dokumentów, konsekwentne używanie tej samej metody płatności oraz szybka reakcja na prośby działu weryfikacji. Tło regulacyjne i rosnące wymagania dotyczące kontroli tożsamości dobrze pokazują materiały prasowe, np. The New York Times, gdzie omawia się wpływ regulacji na rynek i procedury ochrony graczy.

Strategie zarządzania bankrollem w kasynie: plan dla różnych budżetów

Skuteczne zarządzanie bankrollem w kasyno to przede wszystkim ochrona kapitału i ograniczanie wpływu wariancji. Niezależnie od tego, czy grasz rekreacyjnie, czy bardziej systematycznie, podstawą jest ustalenie budżetu na rozrywkę, którego utrata nie zmieni Twojej sytuacji finansowej. Następnie dzielisz go na mniejsze jednostki gry, aby uniknąć decyzji pod presją. W praktyce pomaga też prosta zasada: nie „odrabiaj strat”, tylko trzymaj się planu i kończ sesję zgodnie z limitem czasu lub kwoty.

Dla małych budżetów (np. 100–300 zł) sensowne jest podejście mikro: stawka 1–2% bankrolla na pojedynczy zakład/obrót i krótkie sesje, by nie przepalić środków w jednej serii. Przy średnich budżetach (500–2000 zł) warto wprowadzić limity dzienne i tygodniowe oraz regułę stop-loss, np. przerwa po stracie 10–15% bankrolla. Dla większych budżetów (powyżej 5000 zł) kluczowe staje się raportowanie: zapis stawek, czasu gry, wyników i odchyleń, a także dywersyfikacja gier o różnej wariancji. Niezależnie od poziomu, unikaj zwiększania stawek po przegranej i traktuj bonusy jako dodatek, nie fundament strategii. Jeśli szukasz kontekstu porównawczego ofert, Bober Casino może być punktem odniesienia, ale plan bankrolla powinien być niezależny od platformy.

W środowisku iGaming często przywołuje się podejście oparte na dyscyplinie i danych, które popularyzuje Phil Galfond, znany z wysokich wyników w pokerze online i edukowania graczy w zakresie kontroli ryzyka; jego profil to PhilGalfond. Warto też śledzić doniesienia branżowe, bo zmiany regulacyjne i technologiczne wpływają na dostępność gier, narzędzia odpowiedzialnej gry i standardy ochrony graczy; dobrym przykładem jest materiał The New York Times. W praktyce najlepsza strategia to ta, którą da się konsekwentnie realizować: jasne limity, stała wielkość stawki, przerwy po serii oraz regularna ocena wyników bez emocjonalnych korekt.